Does your child come with an instruction manual?

I always heard it said that children were not born with an instruction manual.  I vaguely remember thinking this proverb was true, until I had my own children.   I quickly came to realize as soon as my first perfect baby was placed in my arms, that indeed, there was an instruction manual.   The instruction manual was ingrained in her and it was written in code, a code that I did not understand or recognize.  Panic hit me, how was I to have this amazing relationship with my child, if I didn’t understand how she was intricately put together?

Each child that comes to this planet has been sent with the highest intention to create legacy and succeed.  Somewhere along the way; human beings lose sight of their gifts, allow themselves to be overrun by negative emotions and forget their magnificence.   How often does the instruction manual that is intricately wired within, lay dormant and stay a mystery?  Is it not true that many people walk this planet and live a lifetime without knowing or living their higher purpose?

It’s quite simple, as parents we want the very best for our children.  We show our love by: caring diligently, providing a home, nutritious food, clothing, extracurricular activities and any material possessions they desire.  We fill our days surrounded by our children and yet we never really know the depth of their capabilities, their desires and what their true brilliance is.

As a mother, nurturer and caregiver, I have come to understand that each of my children is uniquely wired.  My children have their own sole purpose on this planet; allowing the creation of a spectacular journey and legacy.  As a parent our tendency is to fix everything, place a band aid on each scrape and kiss it better, however, the hardest part is allowing our child to shape and define their journey.  It’s very much like the peonies flower that has so many petals; as we watch the flower mature we see each petal open, one by one, until a beautiful flower bursts open.

Each child can begin the building blocks of success right from birth.  Teach your child they are magnificent; allow them to see the very best of themselves knowing they have a purpose.  Children are like sponges they learn by seeing, hearing and feeling.  As we parent these brilliant little ones are we leading by example?  How are we doing on our journey or life? 

When children are lead by parents who have excellent rapport with their Unconscious Mind, deliberately moving toward what they want and living life with a purpose the possibilities are endless. 

Your Child and the Cookie Cutter Mold: Preparing for Junior Kindergarten.... Are You Rea...

Your Child and the Cookie Cutter Mold: Preparing for Junior Kindergarten.... Are You Rea...: It’s that time of year again!  Our educators are very busy wrapping up the school year; forming new classes, reviewing the needs of each ...

Preparing for Junior Kindergarten.... Are You Ready for School?

It’s that time of year again!  Our educators are very busy wrapping up the school year; forming new classes, reviewing the needs of each child and how to best help them.  In the world of education even though it’s the end of the school year, this is the time to prepare, plan and organize for following year. 

Prior to the start of the new school year, those who are registered for Junior Kindergarten will be invited to a group meeting at their home school.  This is the opportunity for your child to interact with their fellow classmates, meet their teachers, see their classroom and in some cases have a small tour of the school.  The process of registering your child for school appears to be quite simple and in most cases it is, however each child is unique.  Take this opportunity to express your concerns and any needs your child has.

From the time we bring our little ones home from the hospital we love them ferociously, wipe their tears and kiss each scrape.  Suddenly, you find yourself sending them off to school at the ripe old age of 4 or in some cases 3.  Some children are ready for school and a structured learning environment; this may not be the case for many children.  It is extremely difficult as a parent to loosen the reigns and allow your magnificent little one to follow their journey. 

During the first 4 years of your child’s life you have had the ability to really see your beautiful child grow, develop and form their own little personality.  As a parent you are able to see your child’s qualities, their strengths and also areas of need.  Does your child have any special needs, challenge, or anything which will impede an easy transition as they start school?  When there are areas of concern, it can be easy to sweep it under the carpet and pretend it doesn’t exist.  However, this approach will only work for a short period of time. 

We have all heard the saying “ignorance is bliss” unfortunately this is not the case when it comes to school.  When you send your children off to school they are left with their own coping strategies; the strategies a 4 year old uses when they are experiencing distress is not effective or perceived as wholesome.  What steps are necessary to take, so that the end result is an easy transition for your child?

Both the public school system and the separate school board system have access to a variety of necessary resources.  If you feel your child fits the criteria of needing extra assistance, take the initiative to make an appointment with the school Principal to discuss options.  Although it may feel intimidating at first to discuss your child with a school official, there is no one who knows your child best, or who can advocate as diligently on their behalf as you can!  Before the meeting with the school Principal, it would be beneficial to have your thoughts clearly written down, and have a list of what you feel your needs are.  Listed below are some examples of concerns you might experience:

• Does your child experience difficulty with transition?
• Does your child experience anxiety when left in group settings or anyone they do not know?
• Does your child appear to be hyper active?
• Are there any signs of Speech/Language delay?
• Is social communication an area of concern?
• Is your child at their appropriate developmental level with their cognitive learning?

Taking the approach to discuss any concerns you have prior to the school year, might seem extremely eager, nevertheless, the ultimate result is for your child to have all the resources they need in place for their first day of school.

The first day of school is a day filled with high energy and nervousness, most of the time it’s harder on you the parent than it is on the child.  For children who suffer separation anxiety, preparation in advance is essential.  Anxiety is one of those invisible creatures who you cannot see; however, the end result is stressful and sometimes damaging.   There have been many excellent books with beautiful resources on how to deal with anxiety, giving great tools and techniques.

Being a parent of a child who has suffered moderate anxiety, I have researched and tried many techniques.  Children learn in simple terms, they are creative and use imaginary play.  One of the many techniques I have used with my own child is “create the movie”.  Have your child close their eyes and visually create the movie of Mom or Dad dropping them off at school or the school bus.  When visualizing ask your child; what do you see, what sounds do you hear, make the movie big and play it.  Creating the internal movie of success is easy for a child to accomplish as they spend most of their time in imaginary play.   I have always let my child know that during any peak times of stress or nervousness, he could go into his imaginary filing cabinet, pull out a movie and play it. 

The role of teacher is not one to be taken lightly; most children never forget their first teacher and they remember them in detail.  When you ponder and think about it, your child will be spending the majority of their time with their teacher.  Your child’s teacher is the doorway that leads to knowledge; the knowledge of what your child is doing, hearing and learning when you are not there.  Take the initiative to hear positive feedback and ask questions of how your child is progressing.  This approach will allow an open flow of communication between yourself and the teacher.  Our main objective as a parent is to get the very best possible resources for our child; we can do that by creating a team environment, working with the school and providing any additional therapy.

Taking a proactive approach on your child’s school career will be something that you will not regret.  Regardless of how intimidated, shy or embarrassed we might feel, no one is better suited to advocate for your precious little one.  Let your strong voice be heard, knowing that you are getting the very best for your child.

Anxiety! Your Can't See it.... but its there.

I never understood why my child would cling to my leg, beg, scream and plead “don’t leave me here”.  From the time he was just a beautiful chubby baby, I knew that he suffered huge separation anxiety and I thought he will outgrow it.  I was completely wrong thinking he would out grow the anxiety; it was like a forest fire spreading out of control.  The tantrums stemming from anxiety became much more grandiose, the frequency increased, and they appeared as “behaviours”. 

I still remember dropping him off one morning in Junior Kindergarten; all the children lined up calmly, my child was on the ground screaming and crying.  I never understood why he resorted to this behaviour: I would ask myself “why can’t he keep it together”?  At one point I used bribery, guilt, scare tactics, tears, nothing worked to change his behaviour.   The "Aha" moment came to me one day when my son was having what I called an episode.  His whole body was trembling with fear; I then realized what he was experiencing was completely real to him.  The question that weighed me down, or caused me to lose the most sleep was: “how do I make it better for him’?  

I then began to really look into anxiety and what the effects of it are. I was surprised through research how many people suffer from it, yet manage to suppress and hide it.  So many people in our midst walk around with anxiety, however, they are able to cope for periods of time or silently suffer.  I took the route of seeking out professional help, and we readily made use of the resources that were given to us.  During my NLP Practitioner course, I came to understand that anxiety is driven by fear.  Fear is a negative emotion that attaches itself to many circumstances; feeds itself by causing anxiety in many parts of our life.

For adults or for or children who are older we use Time Line Therapy to release fear and specific occurrences of anxiety.   With smaller children like my son, I began to create a visual movie for him and to place it into the future.  He would replay the movie at peak times of anxiety during the day.  He has become such a master at movie making, that he is now able to create the visual movie that gives him success.   Once the visual movie has been created we release it and place it into the future.  This technique alone has proven to be successful and the anxiety levels have scaled back by leaps and bounds.

I have come to realize that anxiety is a pesky little frenemy; it disguises itself as a protection, however, is really our enemy.  Children know exactly what they need; they do not have filters or baggage to carry around as adults do.  When they feel extreme fear they resort to protecting themselves by tears, tantrums, aggression and so much more.  Anxiety is not something that can be controlled easily without help, effective therapy, techniques or tools.

Anxiety is most likely something that might rear itself on and off, during the course of life, however, it can be tamed.